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Within a split second…..

My Feelings….

Within a split second my world changed from peace to complete darkness. My heart was totally ripped from my body and now numbness has taken its place.

That day started off to be a good day. I just bought tickets for Sarah and I to go to Florida; I was excited about spending time with my Aunt and Uncle. Mick new he wasn't going to be able to go. The courts put too many restrictions on him. He was supposed to go to AIC walk up daily, go back to school, get a job, etc. I thought he was ok about it. I wanted him to go with us. When I got home my husband Bud was sitting on the couch trying to get cool. It was the hottest day of the year and I sat next to him telling him about my day. Sarah was off swimming with her friends. I had this silly notation of going down to the cellar to check on the air conditioner that we never used. That's when I found Mick. You see Mick hung himself. He was only 16, too young to die. He had so much going for him. He left a note but it didn't make any sense..

Mick was such a sweet kid. He would help you do anything. He was the one that was always there, who would listen when you were down. He always knew how to make you feel better. He was good looking; funny, smart, talented, well liked and could give excellent back rubs. Mick liked rap music and he wrote a lot of it. He was called little M
&M after the rapper M&M he even looked like him.  I think it was his way of getting out what was bothering him inside.

The days following his death are so vivid. The police asking questions. friends and family coming from all over the place. Greeting everyone prior to the wake. Flowers and food being delivered. Having friends help with what Mick should wear. Sleeping, not sleeping. Crying and crying and still crying. Waiting for the day to see my son for the last time.

The Wake…

Seeing him again. Lifeless
& cold. That was not my son; it was just the body that carried a soul, a loving warm soul. All his friends showed up. Between family and friends there were over 300. You can see that he touched so many people. Now the question that will always remain is WHY? The answer lies with him.